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Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
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6:40 am - Read This. You Tell Me.
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I am a penny pincher. This may be because I am a college student. This may also be because my dad is an extravagant spender who has made many financial mistakes that have resulted in absolute havoc. Most likely, it’s a combination of both. The point is, I was a little less than enthusiastic to go to Oakland with my friend William, who had asked me to accompany him to buy some Warriors tickets for his sister’s upcoming birthday simply because of BART fare.
However, out of the pure goodness of my heart, I went anyway, and actually ended up having a great time. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and before we knew it, we were back at the BART station, ready to go back home.
I eyed the ticket machine warily. I had only put enough money into my ticket for a one-way to Oakland, meaning I had to put in about another $3 in to get back to San Francisco. Three dollars! I could get a double cheeseburger, small fries and a cup of water with that – and still have 83 cents left over! Whatever. I sighed, and dug out my wallet, ready to fork over some more of my parents’ hard-earned money.
“Hey.”
I turned to see my Will at my side. “What?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“You can just put my pass in so that you don’t have to waste any more money,” he offered. “I’ll just hand it to you once I’m on the other side.”
I frowned, considering this option. “Are you sure? I mean – what if they see us? How do you know it’s going to work?” Usually, I’d jump at any chance to save money, but I wasn’t about to get in trouble that could end up with me losing a lot more than just three bucks!
“It’ll be fine. They’re not even watching,” he pointed out, looking in the direction of the agent.
“I guess,” I said slowly. “’Kay, let’s go.”
We headed over, and just as planned, he went through first. I glanced at the agent to see if he was looking, and when I was absolutely sure that he wasn’t, I quickly took the ticket from Will’s outstretched hand. I did my best to look absolutely nonchalant as I smoothly slid the card into slit, and as I felt it leave my fingers, I smiled out of relief. I took a step forward, expecting the orange panels to open for me, and when they didn’t, I glanced at the tiny screen on the machine: “PLEASE SEE AGENT.” Oh, crap.
Worried and embarrassed, I felt my face flush a bright red. I looked up and gave Will a look of complete panic before grabbing the ticket and heading over to the booth.
The agent was a middle-aged white man who had his head down, looking down at some paperwork on the desk. I cleared my throat to get his attention.
He looked up, then gave me a questioning look. “Yes?”
“Um, hi,” I began clumsily. “I put this in, but it didn’t work. I mean, it didn’t let me through. I’m not sure – “
He took my ticket and scrutinized it, then looked at the screen in front of him. “Well, apparently, you didn’t use this ticket at the previous machine, which is why it didn’t let you through.”
Okay, I thought. So does that mean you’re going to let me through or not?! Out loud, I said, “Okay. Well. Um. Yeah.”
Heaving a deep sigh that made his humongous belly rise and fall, he gave me a bored look and asked, “Look, do you get it or not?”
Annoyed with the obvious attitude in his tone, I glared at him. “Yes, I get it!” I clarified. “But – “
He didn’t give me a chance to finish. Instead, he gave me a disgusted look, running his fat fingers through his thinning hair. “I mean, geez, do you speak English or not?”
Shocked by his words, I could only stare for the first few moments. What the fuck?! Was he serious?! In the seconds between his offensive question and my answer, a slideshow of memories began to play in the back of my mind.
I remembered how in kindergarten, I had to take a special education class because my English was weak. For my first four years of life, I had grown up listening to my parents speak Ilocano, and eventually began speaking it myself. This had been no problem at all until the day I started kindergarten, where English was obviously the language of operation.
I remembered how after starting school, my dad forced me to read books every day. Unlike many of my classmates, I began to love reading.
I remembered how at my eighth grade graduation, my proudest moment was not walking across the stage to receive my diploma, but receiving the Outstanding in English award from my favorite teacher. He had been strict, and I hated it at first, but I came to realize he was the best teacher I had that year. For him to acknowledge that my writing was above and beyond gave me an extreme boost in my self-esteem.
I remembered how in my junior year of high school, I passed the AP Literature test. This was a major accomplishment for me, considering the facts that I had an incompetent teacher and was asleep 75% of the time in his class. Besides me, there were only three other people in my class that passed.
Then I thought of the present. I thought about how reading and writing are my most prominent passions in life. I thought about how hard it is for me to get through a meal without having a book in one hand, a fork in the other. I thought about all my personal journals, about those hundreds of pages that held my dearest memories, my worst days, the most random facts about my life.
I thought about all of this before lifting my chin and looking him straight in the eye. “Yes,” I answered in the strongest voice I could muster. “I do.”
He shook his head, obviously over the situation and gestured towards the gate. “Whatever. Go ahead and pass through this time.”
With as much dignity as I could muster, I walked past him, my eyes slightly tearing up from the humiliation he had made me feel with that question. It wasn’t even so much the words he spoke, but the way he spoke them that offended me. Yes, I spoke English. But what about those people he encountered that didn’t? Did he look at them the same way he looked at me – with his eyes full of disgust and repulsion? Did he heave sighs at them the way he did with me – as if he could not physically stand our so-called ignorance? Did he hurl those bullet-like words at them the way he hurled them at me – full of attitude and with no hints of sympathy or intentions of helping?
When I got home, I set my things down on the bathroom sink and took a good look at myself. I saw my straight black hair hanging loosely, a little frizzy from the rain. I saw my dark brown eyes, with a little smudge of eyeliner on the outer corner of my left eye. I saw my flat nose, slightly pink from the cold weather. What I didn’t see was any sign of ignorance, any sign of stupidity, any sign of inferiority to someone who wasn’t a minority. I simply saw all of these things that made me look “Filipino”, but I had never considered them to be bad things. With a saddened heart, it made me wonder why anybody else would.
current mood:  accomplished
current music: Lovestoned - Justin Timberlake
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6:07 am - I'm (Not) A Barbie Girl
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At the young age of nine, the Barbie aisle was my favorite place to be in the world of Target. My little legs would spring into action as soon as I was done hurriedly informing my mom of my destination, hardly pausing for a breath until I was finally there. I’d stand still for minutes at a time, which was an eternity at my age, staring up at the endless rows of Barbies, awestruck by their flawless faces, beautiful hair and colorful clothing. Barbie World was where I wanted to be.
It was just another hot, summer day when my mom decided to go to Target to pick up some laundry detergent. She took my brother, my cousin Ana and I along, claiming we weren’t old enough to stay at the house by ourselves yet. I protested at first – I had my pride to think of, after all - but not too hard and not too long. Barbie World, here I come!
Once there, we went our separate ways – my mom went off to find her laundry detergent, my brother hastily made his way over to the cars and trucks section, and Ana and I rushed over to the Barbie aisle. I was once again dreamily staring at the hundreds of Barbies when the voice of my cousin abruptly took me out of my trance:
“Let’s see if we can find any that look like us!”
I blinked, surprised by her request. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her suggestion; it was just – why hadn’t I thought of that before?
“Okay!” I replied, just as enthusiastically. “I’ll find one that looks like you first!”
I skipped to the beginning of the aisle, stopping when I reached the first column of Barbies. Slowly, I scanned up and down and up and down again, repeatedly. But all I saw was white, with the occasional black thrown in. Confused, I looked down the aisle, but no Filipino-looking Barbies were in sight. And then – finally!
“Here!” I reached up and grabbed the box, noting the words “Special Edition” written in bright pink glitter. This Barbie had long, straight black hair that was covered by a furry hood. She was dressed warmly. She was an Eskimo.
Ana grabbed the box from my hands, surveying the Barbie’s features and clothing. After a few moments, she looked up at me and claimed defiantly, “I’m not an Eskimo.”
Annoyed, I took it back from her, shoving it back into its place on the shelf. “I know that,” I retorted, rolling my eyes. “But she’s the only one that looks anything like you. I’d like to see you do any better.”
“Fine! I will!” Smirking, she headed down to the beginning of the aisle, just like I had, and started her search. Crossing my arms, I waited for her to finish.
After several minutes had passed, I began to get bored of the silly game. I was about to tell her to give up when she turned to me with a triumphant look on her face. “I got it!”
Curious, I walked over to where she was to check it out. After seeing what she had picked out for me, I was first shocked, then a little indignant. “I’m not black!”
Startled by my reaction, Ana took a step back, her eyes widening. “Well, duh. But you’re dark, she’s dark, you have black hair, she has black hair..” She trailed off, not sure of what to say next.
“Jess? Ana?”
We both swiveled our heads, finding my mom at the other end of the aisle, holding a bottle of laundry detergent in her hand. “I’m ready to go,” she explained.
“’Kay,” we answered in unison. I placed the box back on the shelf, and we started following her and my brother to the checkout line.
We went home, and our summer day went on. We stripped down to our bathing suits and ran through the sprinklers, the drops of water cooling off our heated bodies. It was almost as if the Barbie incident hadn’t even happened. Ana didn’t seem at all affected by it, and my brother and mom weren’t even there to witness it. Had it not been for my own feelings of disturbance, the entire incident could have disappeared into thin air.
After that day, playing with Barbies was never the same for me again – it never held that untainted joy, never gave me the hope of growing up into one of those girls that seemingly had it all. Instead, I could only look at my Barbies with an air of disgust and repugnance. Instead of seeing their overall beauty, all I could focus on now was the blondness of their hair, the bright blue of their eyes, and the paleness of their skin. All I could see were the differences between them and me.
Why were there no Filipino Barbies? Why were the rare Asian Barbies I saw only “Special Edition,” made only to showcase so-called cultural costumes? As a young girl, I had always idealized Barbies, and I know for sure that I was not the only one. So what did that say about Filipinos, Asians – minorities in general? Are we not good enough to be idealized? Are we a step lower? Because that’s exactly what it feels like when we are being given these so-called idols to look up to, when in fact, it is impossible to grow up to be anything like them.
I used to think that freshly baked chocolate chip cookies were Santa’s absolute favorite – until I found out that it was my dad who ate those cookies while the rest of us were at Midnight Mass. I used to think that it was pure magic when I would wake up in the morning to find a dollar in place of my tooth – until I realized the only magic in the process was the fact that I didn’t wake up when my parents lifted my pillow to make the exchange. I used to think that I would grow up to be just like Barbie – until I realized that I didn’t even exist in their “perfect” world.
current mood:  weird
current music: Lovestoned - Justin Timberlake
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| Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
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12:06 am - Monopoly!
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1. Who was the last person to call you, and why?
My brother, because he wanted to know when I'd be coming home.
2. Who was the last person you've seen throw up?
Armbien! I hope that sucka learned his lesson, 'cause I ain't gonna be taking care of him next time, lol.
3. What was the last cereal that you ate?
Raisin Bran, my brother's cereal. He got annoyed.
4. What did you do at your lowest point in life? How did you overcome it?
I ran away. And to be honest, I still don't think I'm completely over it.
5. Who are you currently texting?
Mr. Weeyam Tran.
6. What are your plans for this weekend?
SHOPPING ON BLACK FRIDAY, spending time with family/friends for the last time on Saturday, and leaving very early Sunday morning to go back to San Francisco.
7. In the past week, have you gotten sick?
Kind of. Um. I got sick two weeks ago, does that still count?
8. Is something bothering you right now?
Yes. I wish a certain someone would talk to me.
9. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
5, but I made up for it by taking a long nap after dropping my brother off.
10. Do you own a piggy bank shaped like a pig?
Actually, yes. It's a blue pig and it makes noise when you drop coins in.
11. Do you hate when people doubt you?
HECK.YEAH. OH. MAN.
current mood:  worried
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| Sunday, November 18th, 2007
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12:37 am - Home Sweet Home <3
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1. What were you doing at 12 last night?
I think I was just chillin' in my room, soaking up the feeling of being home.
2. Who was the last person you went out with?
I went out with my dad, mom and cousin to a band competition out in Bakersfield to watch my brother. Good times.
3. Who is the last person to text message you?
Burn, saying thanks for the birthday greeting.
4. Where is your significant other at the moment?
In Vallejo somewhere. Probably at home, or maybe hanging out with his cousins.
5. What do you order at McDonald's?
Double cheeseburger, small fries & a cup of water. $2.17. 'Nuff said.
6. When was the last time you felt really sad?
About an hour ago, in the car. I was listening to "The Reason" by Hoobastank, and it got me thinking about some stuff.
7. Do you like vegetarians?
Sure, I guess. I mean - it's not as if a person being vegetarian will make or break my relationship with them. I actually recently found out one of my friends is vegetarian, and he's cool. Whatever. This is a weird question.
8. Did you have a Furby when you were little?
No, but my cousin did, and I was so jealous that I made fun of it so that she wouldn't think she was cool for having one. It worked, and I was satisfied at the time, but I realize now that I was an evil child.
9. Do you wear lip gloss?
Not anymore. Carmex, all the way.
10. Do you read at all?
All day, errday, sucka! You don't even know.
11. Do you know what you want to do in your life?
No, and it's starting to really freak me out, considering that I am nearing the end of my sophomore year.
12. Have you had any relationships this year?
Yes, sir. I'm still in it. We just passed our one year anniversary, actually. Go, us!
13. Have you had your birthday yet?
Yeah. And it kind of sucked, but I was kind of expecting that.
14. Who was the last person you hugged?
Andrew, when I saw him at the Centennial Band Competition. It was more like a half-hug, though, because he was standing up and I was sitting down.
15. What was the last thing you ate?
Spaghetti. It was part of the leftovers I found in the fridge, but I don't care. It's so much easier to appreciate leftovers after living off of the McDonald's Dollar Menu and playing the "Let's-see-who-can-come-up-with-the-most-random-combination-of-food-from-the-pantry" game for over two weeks.
current mood:  thirsty
current music: Like You'll Never See Me Again - Alicia Keys
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| Wednesday, November 14th, 2007
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11:43 am - 2 more tests & 1 project to go.
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| Saturday, May 26th, 2007
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7:51 am - On the Road Again..
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I'm on my way to Sacramento for my cousin's graduation with my family, my aunt, uncle and cousin on a full tummy and my brother's iPod in my ears. We've got about 3 more hours to go, but I'm feeling just fiine.
current mood:  content
current music: What is Love - Haddaway
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| Sunday, March 25th, 2007
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1:25 am - Here I come, AI '08!
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I'm currently in the STTC computer lab with Will right now, making a weak attempt to finish my Ethnic Studies miderm due on Monday, consisting of three essays with a length of at least nine pages. Typical me got bored and distracted, so I started singing along to some of the songs playing on my Macca. After awhile, the girl from across the room came over here and told me I should seriously be on American Idol, because I sound really good and a lot better than some of the contestants currently on the show.
Why, thank you!
Haha, that made my day/night =P
current mood:  geeky
current music: Butterfly - Regine Velasquez and Kyla
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| Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
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3:03 am - I want you to want me.
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Feeling empty sure makes use of a lot of emotions.
I feel so many things, but when I try to express it through words, nothing sounds quite right. Or maybe I'm over-thinking, and mistaking the problem to be something more complicated than it really is. Maybe what it really comes down to is so plain and simple that I overlooked it the first hundred times I tried figuring things out. Maybe all I really want is -
I want you to want me.
And no, "YOU" is not any specific person. Contrary to popular belief, this is hardly an entry dedicated to my ex-boyfriend, a new guy that I think I might be starting to develop feelings for, or a random hot guy I passed on the street that I lusted for momentarily. No, when I say "you," I'm talking about ALL of you - my mom, my dad, my brother, my cousins, aunts & uncles, friends from back home, my friends here, ex-boyfriends and acquaintances. YOU.
It's unfortunate, but my self-esteem is significantly related to others' opinions of me. Like me? Great! Bestow upon myself a compliment, and it'll put me on a natural high - for how long, I'm not sure. Hate me? Let me know in the most subtle way, and you can count on me to curl up with my blanket and my trusty Grrmao, crying for hours and sulking for days. It's one of the things I hate most about my personality, one of the things I would absolutely love to fix and forget about, but for some reason, my mind is constantly fixated on the scars it's left me, and not on the happiness and beauty I could possibly achieve if only I gave it a simple try.
However, we all know - things are easier said than done.
For some reason unknown to myself, I'm distinctly different from many people I know, in the sense that I can't "forgive and forget." After a person's hurt me once, no matter how trivial or insignificant the situation was, I can never seem to fully forget about it. Forgive, sure. Forget? Never. I know, that to this point, people would argue that not forgetting isn't always a bad thing. Forgetting means not taking the lesson learned from that certain predicament, losing everything and gaining nothing. I agree. But when it's come to the point where I let it impact my relationships with people this negatively, I can say that without a doubt, certain changes need to be made if I want to keep anyone around. At the rate I'm going right now, I'll leave this place bitter and alone, regardless of whether I graduate or not, regardless of how many accomplishments I'll be able to claim, and regardless of how successful I've become. If I don't have anyone to share any of these things with, nothing will matter.
Somebody asked me once what I wanted out of life, where I wanted to be when I was in my mid-30's. You know what I said?
I didn't say I wanted to be happily married with 3 kids of our own, living in a city that I love with a job that I love going to. I didn't say I wanted to be somewhere in Europe with a significant other, traveling the world together before we settled down. I didn't say I wanted to be a highly-ranked psychologist with my own practice, a world-famous celebrity, known for my astonishing voice and never-ending style or even a woman of luxury, bathing in diamonds and showering in gold. I didn't say any of that.
Nope, all I said, all I really wanted - was to be happy.
current mood: drained
current music: How Long Must I Cry - K-Ci and JoJo
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| Sunday, February 25th, 2007
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4:11 am - so much for sleep.
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4:00 in the morning, and I think it's time to head home.
current mood:  hopeful
current music: Bojangles - Pitbull
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12:19 am - unappreciated
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| Saturday, February 24th, 2007
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5:41 am - So much for sleep.
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"Never Felt This Way" by Brian McKnight.
Original plan? After lazily falling asleep in the clothes I had worked out in, instead of taking shower, I woke up around midnight, confused. What had happened to my alarm that was supposed to wake me up at 9? I reached for my alarm clock and turned it around - once again, the switch was turned to OFF instead of ON, even though I could've sworn that I hadn't made the same mistake I had earlier that day. So much for chill'n with Will. I sighed, decided to take a shower and then head back to sleep so that I'd be fully energized for the following day.
Hah! I ended up glued to my Macca once again, checking myspace, xanga, livejournal, perezhilton.. I probably would've stayed there forever, if Irving hadn't IM'ed me, asking if I still had any Easy Mac left. I said yes, but that if him and Jonny were going to come over, they needed to be quiet, because Marie was sleeping. He consented, but I should've known better than to think drunken Jonny was going to be anything but loud..
JONNY: Oooooh.. HI, HI!
ME: Um, Jonny? Marie's sleeping. Shh.
JONNY (in an exaggerated whisper): SHH! SHH!
JONNY: Oh, oh, Jessica. No - there's too much water. Go pour some out!
ME (sighing): Fine. Is this okay?
JONNY (taking the bowl from me and tipping it sideways until water started dripping onto the floor): Nope.
ME: Jonny -
JONNY (still tipping the bowl, dripping water and eventually even noodles): Yeah?
ME: Never mind.
Inevitably, Marie woke up and the 4 of us spent the next hour insulting each other, laughing, making Easy Mac, making plans to go watch 300 and watching John Tucker Must Die. Jonny fell asleep halfway through, and Irving left him in the care of Marie and I, more specifically, in the bed of Marie, which she wasn't too happy about, especially after Jonny took over the entire bed. Before I took a shower, I went over to Irv's to see if I could sleep in Jonny's bed, since he had taken over Marie's and Marie wanted to go to sleep, and he said okay, but by the time I got back to my own room, Jonny was awake, and he made his way back to his own room and bed. I took my much-needed shower, and now here I am, giving another random update.
Gnite.
current mood: hungry
current music: Never Felt This Way - Brian McKnight
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| Friday, February 23rd, 2007
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4:22 pm - dizzy.
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I worked out for the first time in a year.
I wish I could say I felt super-great, but I don't, so I'm not going to lie =P
After I got back to my room from breakfast with Loi, I washed my face and made a half-hearted attempt to clean off my bed. After I had pushed off all my stuff to one side of the bed, I sat back down at my laptop and looked longingly at the empty space. I knew that if I didn't keep myself occupied for 30 more minutes, I'd give in to the temptation of going to sleep and not waking up for class. Unable to control myself, I tentatively laid down with my pink blanket, convincing myself that I'd have the willpower to get up in 15 minutes.
WRONGGGG.
I missed AAS, and even after I had woken up to set my alarm to 10:00 so that I could go get the book from Will, I didn't wake up, because - stupid me - I had forgotten to flip the switch to ON from OFF. Therefore, I woke up ten minutes before my Ethnic Studies class, and that was only because Loi was banging on the door to make sure that I was awake. Thank goodness for that guy -__- Bleary-eyed from my nap, I stumbled into class in time and tried to study my notes in the 5 minutes that I had before class started. No luck, because I pretty much failed the quiz. With a heavy heart, I trudged to AIS, where I felt a little better, knowing that I had at least finished the homework for that class. Discussion was a little dull today, but that's okay.
Yup yup. Just a random update..
current mood: exhausted
current music: Dream On - Aerosmith
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7:01 am - all-nighter, suckerf0ols.
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It's not even 7:00 in the morning, and I, for once, am actually awake.
I guess I don't deserve too much credit, though, because I didn't actually wake up from any sleep. I've been awake since 6:00 yesterday afternoon, and I haven't gone to sleep since. I guess it kind of makes sense that I'm still awake, since I basically slep the entire day yesterday, but I'm surprised that I'm still up and at 'em, typing away at my xanga, after coming to the library at 1:00 in the morning, actually reading all three articles for my AIS class, making up 3 questions for discussion and finally treating myself to the newest episode of Grey's Antomy online. Now, I'm just waiting for Loi to finish up his English homework on the computer next to me, so that we can go have some breakfast at the DC before heading off to class on a Friday morning.
About me and Loi..
It's been an emotionally exhausting week with him - him breaking up with me, me breaking up with him, getting back together, arguing and doubting if the whole getting back together thing was a good idea, working things out, arguing once again, him breaking up with me for a second time, arguing at the top of Cesar Chavez all the way down to Will's room, aruguing in the hallways of the fourth and then the second floor, making up and crying, coming to the terms of our break-up, ignoring each other and finally ending as friends.
Dude, seriously.
Things are going good at the moment (I hope saying that doesn't jinx me again), but I can't say for how long this "friendship" will actually last. After Nathan and I broke up, we continued to be friends, but things got a little too close for my comfort, and we ended up in bad terms, because I didn't want to be anything more than friends anymore, but he was getting a totally different message from the way we were being with each other. After James and I broke up, I thought that we could still be friends, talking on the phone regularly and being there for each other if we needed it. It didn't turn out as well as I wanted, and I ended up having to totally ignore him for a month for the sake of my sanity, because it was just too freaking hard to "be friends" without wanting more. I guess you could say that I was the "Nathan" in that relationship. I'm afraid that's what's going to happen this time around, too, with one of us wanting something more than we have, and getting hurt in the end. Pessimistic thinking aside, it probably is going to happen. I'm not looking forward to it, but I don't know what else I can do for right now..
But I guess I should enjoy this while I can. Because I am. Really and truly. It's nice just being friends with him and not having to worry about all the pressures and problems of being his girlfriend. I like messing around with him and just being silly, instead of being sweet and romantic. Sure, there are moments when my eyes trail from his eyes to his mouth, and I'm tempted to take his hands into my face so that I can kiss those lips that I've kissed so many times before. There are times when I'm tired and run-down, and all I want to do is collapse into those arms of his, knowing full-well that he would take care of me. It's not weird for me to have to bite my lip before calling out to him because I want to say "Babe" instead of "Loi." But I'm okay. I'll be okay. I have to be okay. Break-ups happen, and you just have to learn how to deal with it.
Yup yup, fosho.
current mood:  awake
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| Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
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8:25 pm - 3 months, 1 week, 1 day.
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| Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
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2:57 am - Oh yeah, & Happy Valentine's Day, too.
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It's 2:39 in the morning, and I'm still here in the quiet room of the library, open 24/7. I could let you believe that I'm being an over-achiever and forcing myself to stay here until I'm absolutely 100% sure that I'm going to ace my quiz on "Race & the White Professor" first thing Thursday afternoon, but I'm not sure you would believe it anyway, so I'm just gonna tell you the truth.
(Before I go on, who is YOU, anyway? Maybe this is what happens when I'm in the library for too long. I go crazy and start talking to imaginary people, because I'm that bored and desperate for somebody to listen to my strange ramblings..)
It's been about 2 weeks since I've lost my ID card, and as a result, I've also lost:
1. WEIGHT. Since I no longer have access to the DC or Park, I've been forced to eat small portions of Easy Mac and Cup O' Noodle for my "meals." Yes, it's absolutely gotten to the point where it's driving me crazy, but then again - I've lost weight. Which I guess is good, as I'm not starving myself or doing anything remotely close, as some people seem to think so.
2. PRINTING PRIVILEGES. Last semester, I could've cared less, but this semester, American-Indian Studies has got me totally screwed on this one. My professor is a cool guy, no doubt, but I hate the way he expects us to have his weekly articles printed out by each Friday so that we can discuss them in class. Not a big deal, I know, but when each article is at least 15 pages each, it kinda cuts down on my money! Friday is only two days away, now, and I have yet to print out the article for this week..
3. ACCESS INTO MY OWN HOME. This usually isn't a problem, because as I'm going in and out, it's usually at a reasonable time, and I'm able to sneak in with somebody else sliding their card for the door to open. It's really too bad I didn't think of that earlier, because now I'm stuck here, knowing that the chance somebody will be out there with an ID card isn't likely. Ay yi yi.
I feel incredibly stupid, sitting here on my numb butt, typing about how idiotic I can be, but it's a heck of a lot better than sitting out there on the bench in front of Mary Ward, shivering and praying for somebody to come rescue me. Right? Riiiiight.
current mood:  amused
current music: Look After You - The Fray
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| Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
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1:22 am - HUNGRYHUNGRYHIPPOOOOOO!
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I can't do this anymore.
It's been a week of eating Easy Mac and Cup O' Noodle (shrimp flavor, bien sur), but I have slowly been going crazy in the stomach, and it's finally acting out by compelling me to beg Josh to order Seniores Pizza for me (XL, Chicken Pesto), because my phone still doesn't work, and if I don't eat something else in the next hour, I'm going go bust out my dangerous nails and stab the next person I see.
Ay yi yi.
current mood: hungry
current music: Everything - Lifehouse
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| Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
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12:30 pm - Christmas Eve 2006
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 LISA, ME, SAMI
 LISA, ME, SAMI, ANA
 SAMI, ME
 ANA
 SAMI
 SAMI
 SAMI
 JANESSA, KAYLANA, JOMARI
 MOM, AMANG
 ANGEL
 AUNTIE LILA, AUNTIE DALEN
 JOMARI
 JR, LISA
 DAD, UNCLE VIRGILIO
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| Wednesday, December 20th, 2006
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11:11 am - a much-needed update.
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I have my speech final in exactly 53 minutes, and I can proudly say that I'm not worried about a darn thing.
True, I hardly took advantage of the nine days I had to look over the study guide, since I just started studying yesterday, but I sure took advantage of the 12 hours between 10:00 last night and 10:00 this morning. Six hours of studying, one hour of break, two hours of sleeping, and the last hour for eating and showering. For sure, it's not the healthiest way to go about during finals week (or any week, for that matter), but what's done is done, and if confidence is all I feel after following that hectic schedule, then I have no complaints - until I start falling asleep in the middle of the day, that is.
I'm hoping that things go this well with my Asian-American History final tomorrow. *crosses fingers*
After breezing through my final, I'm planning on going to Golden Gate Park with Mr. William Tran just to chill and hang out for awhile. He's such a great friend, and I feel absolutely freaking horrible about ditching him multiple times in the short time we've gotten this close - yesterday was a record: twice in one day! Although he reassured me he wasn't at all mad or angry, I know better, and I hope that today makes up for it, being that it'll probably be the last time the two of us hang out alone together. I'll miss this guy over break, for sure. <3Dahaha!
Not only have I grown to love living here, I''ve grown to get so used to it, that going back home doesn't feel like "home" sometimes. It sounds weird, but I HAVE been spending the majority of my life here since July. I like the shower here better, my bed here better, the weather here better.. But one thing that could never be replaced is family. So corny, I know, but also oh so true. I miss looking at my brother strangely, after he's randomly walked into my room and announced the most irrelevant thing to what I'm doing. I miss my dad trying (and sadly, sometimes succeeding) to trip me when I walk past his recliner on my way to my room. I miss watching my mom get into the most embarrassing situations, like getting stuck in the automatic doors at Mervyn's. I miss them all so much, and even though I'll probably get sick of them after my second week there, I totally love them so much.
Ah. Updates are good for the soul.
-edit-
Back from my speech final, and it feels freaking GREAT!
After updating my xanga earlier, I went through all the terms one last time (effortlessly, I might add), then decided to take the time to actually get ready. I went into the bathroom to blow dry my hair (so as not to wake the sleepyheads in my room), came back to my room to curl my hair and put some eyeliner and lip gloss on, then threw on my "skinny" jeans, my burgundy wrap top, my mary janes, and my trusty white jacket. I stared my final at exactly 10:45, and finished at 11:00 - only fifteen minutes! Half the stuff that I studied the night before and morning of weren't even on the final, but whatever - I aced the sucker, so I'm not complaining! Now I'm off to Will's to chow down on some won ton, before we hit Golden Gate Park. Au revoir!
current mood: accomplished
current music: Ordinary People - John Legend
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| Saturday, November 18th, 2006
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3:20 am - definitely taken care of
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It's a Thursday night, and I'm knocked out on my bed, with Loi next to me. My left leg is falling off the bed, my socks are sagging off my feet, my head is right by the front of Loi's laptop and I'm nearly suffocating from all my hair in front of my face, but I'm too tired to care, let alone actually do anything about it. What does the boyfriend do?
A. Absolutely nothing. Does he even notice I'm there?
B. Sigh at me in annoyance for being in the way of his laptop, then rudely pushes my head aside for his comfort. Moooooove, beeyatch! Get out the way!
C. Gently lifts my leg back onto the bed, pulls up my droopy socks, brushes my hair off my face and tucks it behind my ear, and then lies down next to me and puts his arm around my waist, pulling me close to him.
*content sigh*
You can figure out the answer for yourself<3
current mood:  loved
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| Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
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12:39 am - pure mush.
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So - Loi Van Le is officially my boyfriend as of 7:11, NOT 7:13 this morning.
"So, do you know what the date is?"
"Yeah, it's the thirteenth."
"Nope."
"Yes, it is! Or is it the twelfth? No.. It IS the thirteenth!"
"No."
"What IS it then?!"
"It's the day we got together."
hahaha, eww, I got myself a soft corndog for a boyfriend!
current music: Illegal - Shakira
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lilbabiebrownie's journal
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